DOGGY STYLE | A Hound’s Halloween


Send in the Slutty Nurses. It’s Halloween again!
And, what better way to celebrate this culturally irrelevant, ultra-paganistic holiday than by humiliating the shit out of your dog!?
We at The Drool Hunter totally support this ludicrous tradition; the act of wrestling our dogs into polyester outfits and laughing at length. So, here are our top picks for some of the most senseless get-ups on the market.

The Redneck

This is a great choice for anyone going trick-0r-treating in Middle America. Not only is it totally offensive – mostly to anyone who still enjoys wearing plaid – it perpetuates the long held belief that all “rednecks” are fat and oblivious. The only upside to this costume is that the demographic to which it mocks probably won’t even be able to read the the t-shirt. So, fewf.

Mr. Bay Street

This little fella looks like he’s on his way into the office.
Almost completely indistinguishable from the standard corporate gentlemen, our Mr. Bay Street is a total double. The greedy little paws, the prominence of a tiny penis, and those beady black eyes that just seem to scream, “I hate my life.” Oh, and the suit and briefcase are giveaways, too.


The Schoolgirl

Everyone knows that Halloween is all about showing skin. No matter what your costume, a thigh-high stocking and cleavage-revealing top is a must. It’s a time to disrespect yourself terribly, drink way too much, and puke in the back of a cab heading home to the suburbs at 3 AM. This classy dame has made all the right choices. Just a liiiittle bit of anus goes a long way. And, she was smart enough to incorporate a hair-bow to offset the inherent smuttiness of the rest of the outfit. Bravo!


The Taco

Don’t know about you, but we think this one is downright racist. Just because the chihuahua is the official land mammal of Mexico does not give anyone the right to dress one as a delicious, high-cal dinner favorite.
“¡Yo quiero equal rights!”


Dorothy

There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. That’s what your dog will be saying while you parade her around in this top-of-the-line Halloween ensemble. Note the shame in Dot’s eyes, her terrible posture. We’d have half a mind to guess that the munchkins were a bit too friendly with her down in Oz. She’ll be following that yellow brick road right to your front door, where she will then go inside, rip off the gingham, and cry in the shower
until American Thanksgiving.

WARNING: This post was not to be taken seriously.
Be kind to your pets this year and don’t dress them like assholes for Halloween.

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